At every poker table (if you are good at selecting where you sit down) there is someone who isn’t so good at the game of poker. There is at least one person playing “just for fun”. There is at least one guy who’s just looking for something to do, who doesn’t really care that he’s providing the entire table with a few free meals this week. He looks at a poker table the same way he looks at a slot machine. To him, it’s all just a big gamble. This player is what we affectionately call a donkey.
If you happen to sit down at a table with a donkey (or more than one) who also happens to be a lucky donkey, you also have a high probability of running into a jackass as well. In the end, the jackass can be even more profitable for you than the donkey. A crazy monkey tilting jackass can throw out an amazing amount of chips in a very short period of time.
Tonight, about 2 hours ago actually, as I was picking out some tables I’d like to play, I had a few minutes of dead time while I was waiting in lines at a few tables. I’m now playing 10 tables at a time, so I don’t usually see too much of the chat that goes on at the tables while I play. While I was waiting to get seated, the chat at one of the tables where I was waiting heated up.
The first words I saw were “sand nigger”. I thought to myself, “This is gonna be interesting.” I almost immediately thought of calling a moderator. (I don’t have a problem with general trash talk. It’s to be expected anywhere men gather to compete, and even more so online. I think resorting to racist degradation though, is over the line. ) Within a few seconds though, the donkey replied, “Say what you want, I’ve got your chips.” He didn’t seem to be offended, so I decided to just sit and watch and see what happened.
Over the next 5 minutes or so, I witnessed one of the most stupid arguements I’ve ever seen in my life, and I watched the 8 lucky players at this 9 man table collect their hourly wage as this jackass handed out two buy-ins worth of chips…all the while, spewing a mix of racist redneck trash talk and declarations of what a great poker player he is into the chat box. I was amazed by both his wide range of racist slurs, and the speed with which he handed out his money.
The 7 uninvolved players (and any other observers) stayed silent, while the donkey continued to poke and prod at an obviously open wound. The jackass was now sitting at the table with $0. “Where’s your money? Why don’t you reload? Can’t afford another $10?”, says the donkey. A few moments later, the jackass shows $10 in his stack. Still spewing garbage into the chatbox, the jackass spent the next few minutes dividing up about $20 and handing it out to the rest of the table. All the while, the donkey just continued to say the same basic thing over and over, “Where’s you’re money? Who’s got your chips?”
I’m a regular player. I’m there every day, grinding out what’s going to be a really good living. Several other people at the table I recognized as regular players as well. In the end, I forgot the name of the donkey player. But the jackass? I have notes on him. Notes that read “Super monkey tilter”. Every time I run across him at the tables, I know exactly who he is and how to get him to just hand me money.
While I sat and watched this pathetic display on the screen in front of me, I felt a bit unlucky that I was watching as an observer and couldn’t get in there to take some of the free cash this idiot was handing out. I also thought to myself that in a way, it was very lucky that this particular donkey didn’t get offended, and didn’t leave the table (or worse, the site).
While a jackass can be sometimes amusing, and sometimes profitable, he is, overall, very damaging. The jackass not only points out bad plays to bad players, the jackass both encourages the donkey to leave, and encourages the donkey to learn. Neither is good for anyone. If the donkey leaves, he takes his money with him. We can’t make money from someone who isn’t at the table anymore. If the donkey learns, it gets even worse. Not only can we not take his money so easily, but we have to worry that he might come back some day and take our money from us.
We call them donkies, we call them fish, we call them suckers, we call them all kinds of things. In the end though, they are where the money in the pockets of a winning poker player comes from. No matter what we call them, we call them affectionately. They provide us with our winnings…our earnings.
The jackass not only doesn’t understand the very game he claims to be a “pro” at, the jackass doesn’t even understand the most basic concept of economics, give and take. While I will not actively hunt a donkey to try to exploit them personally…It’s open season on jackasses. I will gladly take stack after stack from any jackass that I run across. I will do my best to bust them, to humiliate them, and to get them out of the games I play.
May the fish be with you…